Concrete Angel
by Rachel Evans
Summary: The diary of a young girl who is being abused. Rated R for graphic scenes. Please RR.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, my name is Cochava. This is a piece of the story of my life. A very significant piece... I think.

Before I get started, I feel it necessary to give you a name. I don't want to give you just any name so it will take a minute for me to give it some thought. Okay, I've got it. Rochelle. It's the Hebrew name for Rachel.

So, anyway, now that you have a name, I can continue.

I'm going to tell you something that you cannot tell another soul. It's a big secret and if anybody finds out I'm afraid of what will happen.

You're probably wondering what I could know that can be so dangerous? Well, I'll tell you. It's about Mr. Bronson. I guess you'd say I'm friend's with his daughter, since I go to her quarters all the time. But I don't like going there. You know why? Her dad is mean to me. Well, not just her dad. She and her brother are too. But her dad's the worst.

It all started when we were living on the Aviator. When I was five I went to play with Jenna at her place and when I went to go to the bathroom, Mr. Bronson followed me. He made me take off all my clothes and just looked at me. I was embarrassed, but I thought that it was okay. After all, my dad gave me baths all the time back then. It must have been alright for any grown-up to see me naked.

But I was wrong. After that, every time I went to Jenna's house he would take me into his room and make me lay on the bed. He would touch me in my privates and tell me that if I told anybody about it he would kill my family, including my baby brother. My Imma has had another baby since then too.

That went on for about two years. I'd go to Jenna's house almost every day and I would never have fun. Of course, whenever my Imma or Abba came to pick me up I had to make up a bunch of stuff because they'd always ask me what I did.

When I was seven my Abba got transferred to Deep Space Nine and I thought that I'd be safe. But, unfortunately, I wasn't. Three weeks after we moved in, Jenna's family ended up being transferred here as well. In fact, their quarters are just down the hall.

Jenna and I go to the same school together, but I always leave early, so I don't have to walk with her. But somehow I always end up walking home with her. She asks me to, and I know that if I don't go with her, her dad is going to hurt me. At least that's what happened last time. I told her that I didn't want to play, but the next time I was over, her brother, Kyle, started calling me a "Stupid Bitch" and he was hitting me. He's fourteen and a real meanie. He's almost as bad as his dad. Almost.

So, ever since that day, I've never refused an invitation from any of them, unless I have to go somewhere with my family, in which case I have my Imma or Abba tell them.

I'm really confused, though. Mr. Bronson tells me that my parents know about what he does to me. That he got their permission. He said that I'm always a bad girl and that they asked him to punish me. I don't know if I should believe him or not, but then again, there was that time that I called my Abba crying and asked him to pick me up, but he never came. I'm so confused.

Today, when I was over there, Kyle held me down on the bed, naked, while Mr. Bronson lit a Shabbat candle and put it in my private, much like he does with his private. It hurt so bad, but they told me that if I screamed they'd kill me. I was so scared.

Yesterday Mr. Bronson took a Shabbat candle and set my breast's on fire. I was trying so hard not to cry when he took his hands and shoved my chest to put the fire out. I wanted to cry so badly, but Mr. Bronson doesn't allow crying. When I was little I used to cry, and he'd throw me into the wall, or slap me across the face. So now I don't cry. Not even at home.

Today I didn't bring my lunch to school. I haven't for the last couple of days, on purpose. Mr. Bronson is always telling me that I'm fat and ugly, and at first I didn't believe him. But now, I don't know. Maybe he's right? Maybe everybody thinks that, but he's the only one mean enough to tell me.

So, I'm going on a diet. Imma goes on diets a lot, but this one is a little different. I'm only going to have a piece of toast for breakfast, with no butter, and a little bit of dinner.

When Mrs. O'brien found out that I didn't have a lunch she offered me some of hers. But, because I'm Jewish, I can't eat anything that's not Kosher, I had to refuse, though I didn't mind. Plus, I'm a vegetarian, and Mrs. O'brien brings dead animal to school for lunch AN: If she's a vegetarian also, I'm very sorry. so I wouldn't eat it anyway.

Today, though, when I didn't have my lunch again, she told me that she was going to call my Imma. She said that she was worried. I assured her that it was alright, that I was eating a really big breakfast and dinner, and that my Imma was much too busy to talk about things that didn't matter. Nevertheless, she called her anyway.

So, tonight, after I got home from the Bronson's house I told my Imma that I had eaten there. She made me eat with them anyway. She told me that I had to have a little bit of everything, if not more. She offered me dessert, but I declined, saying that I was full. Of course, I didn't eat at the Bronson's, but she didn't have to know that. I got away with eating less than I normally do.

You know what's really strange though? Ever since I started my diet I've been tired and the room seems to always be spinning. Is that what happens when you go on a diet?

I hope she doesn't think I'm sick. At first, I was telling her that I wasn't hungry because I wasn't feeling good. She was a little concerned, but I've now been telling her that I ate at the Bronson's and she believed me. She may not believe it for much longer.

Well, it's getting late. I need to get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Cochava Pearlman.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Rochelle,

You are not going to believe what happened today! Today, when I was walking home from school with Jenna I fainted. I don't know why, I just…. fell over. I woke up right away and couldn't find Jenna anywhere, but a bunch of people had come over and I heard someone calling the Infirmary. I told them over and over again that I was alright, and finally I ran home.

When I got home my Imma was in the middle of reading a story to Karmi, my six-year-old brother. Aton, who is two, was sleeping. She asked me why I was home so early, so I told her that Jenna was sick and couldn't play today.

I hate lying to her. I hate it so much. Maybe that's what Mr. Bronson meant about me being a bad girl. Maybe they know that I'm lying?

I don't know. I'm so confused and my head hurts. I think I want to go to bed.

Uh-oh. My Imma wants to come in to talk. I'll be back in a minute.

Okay, if what happened earlier wasn't bad enough, my Imma just told me that she made an appointment for me to see Doctor Bashir this afternoon and that it was good that I wasn't at Jenna's. She said that she's worried about me not eating, and that during lunch Mrs. O'brien called her and said that I didn't eat again.

What am I going to do? I can't go to the doctor. He'll find out about what Mr. Bronson does to me. What should I do? I told my mom that I was fine, that I had been looking forward to dinner tonight all day and wanted to save room for it. It's Shabbat, by the way. Oh, I haven't told you about Shabbat yet. Okay, so I'm Jewish, and every Friday night my family has a big meal. First my Abba makes Kiddush, where he blesses the grape juice, and then he and Imma go around to all of us kids and say a special prayer over each of us. After that we wash our hands with a special pitcher and then we can't talk until after we've eaten the Challah. Don't ask me why. I think it's just a ploy that parents made up because they wanted their kids to shut up for a little while.

Anyway, after we eat the Challah we can talk again and then my Imma brings out the soup. Tonight we're having a yummy vegetable soup, with mushrooms, carrots, peas, green beans, and onions… it's so yummy!

After we eat the soup I help my Imma bring out the rest of the food. Tonight we're having Kugal, Tortilla Casserole, Sweet and Sour Tofu, Stuffed Potatoes, and salad with yummy hearts of palm.

I decided when I started my diet that it was alright for me to eat more than usual on Shabbat. Of course, we also have a similar meal on Saturday afternoon, which means that I need to be extra careful on Sunday.

Anyway, my Imma told me that I still needed to go to the doctor and that I need to be ready to leave in an hour. I told her that nobody would be here to watch the boys, but she said that Abba was getting off of work early because of Shabbat and my appointment.

I'm so mad. I don't want to go to the doctor. I think that I need to run away… only until after Imma lights candles. After that I can come back and then we can't go to the doctor, unless it's an emergency, which of course it's not. My Imma has a lot of cooking to do too, so I don't know why she wants to do it today.

I'm going to go to the Promenade for awhile. I'll bring you, of course, and I'll bring my homework that Mrs. Obrien gave me so I can work on that.

I should get going soon, while Imma's giving Karmi his bath so she can't stop me. I'll be back soon.

-Cochava

Dear Rochelle,

Hi, again! I'm back!

So, I successfully evaded my Imma and am now sitting on the floor of Mr. Garak's tailoring shop. I told him that I needed to get my homework done before Shabbat but my brothers were being too loud at home. He said that he didn't mind. So here I am.

I'm so glad I didn't have to go to Jenna's house. I'm sure that she's going to tell her dad about what happened when we came home from school, but I'm also sure that he's not going to tell my parents. If my parents knew about what happened they would make me go to the doctor for sure. Shabbat or no. In that way, I feel that it's safe to tell these things to Jenna. But it's nicer to be able to tell them to you. Plus, I can tell you lots of other stuff today.

I can't think of anything to write at this moment so I'm just playing with the necklace that Abba and Imma got me for my tenth birthday. It was a few months ago. We had cake and ice cream and my Bubbie and Zeydie came. They're my Abba's Imma and Abba. They live on Earth, in Yerushaliym, or Jerusalem as most people know it as, but they come to visit a lot.

Homework is boring. I don't want to do it. I don't have to do it right now either. I can save it for Sunday. Jenna may want me to come over, but my Imma says that I can't go over on Sunday's unless my homework is done. Yeah, I'll save it for Sunday.

Oh no! Doctor Bashir just walked in. He's talking to Mr. Garak. I hope he doesn't find out that I'm here. It's probably almost time for my appointment. I think, after he leaves I'm going to leave too. I'll find somewhere else to hide out at. Maybe I'll go to Carissa's. No. I can't do that. When Imma looks for me it'll be the first place she'll check. Usually it would be Jenna's that she'd check first, but since she thinks that Jenna is sick she wont check there. But I'm not going over there. Definitely not.

He's gone. Now I'll leave. I don't know where I'll go, but I'm sure I'll find some place. I probably go to a non-Kosher restaurant where I can enjoy the smell but easily refuse the food.

-Cochava

Rochelle,

Alrighty, I'm here, sitting in a Bajoran restaurant and everything smells so good. I can just pretend that I'm eating it and I feel full. It's so nice in here. Everyone looks happy. A lot of them look fat too. There's a Bajoran man sitting across the aisle from me that has to be at least 175 pounds. Now, I know that men tend to be bigger than women, but that's just too big. He's sitting with a woman who can only be about 25 pounds smaller than him. I tried to watch them eat, but got nauseated at the site of the food. It's all greasy, plus it's meat. Dead animal is disgusting. I don't know how someone could eat it.

I asked a waitress for the time and she said that it was 1906 hours. Good. Imma will be lighting candles really soon. I can probably head back home in a couple of minutes. She and Abba will probably be mad at me, but I'll just say that I lost track of the time.

I can still stay for a few more minutes though. I really enjoy watching the people here. I wonder if they're really as happy as they look. I don't know how they could be so happy when they're as fat as they are. Could they be lying like I do? Is it normal to lie like I do? Great. Now I'm confused again. My head is hurting too. My stomach is yelling at me to eat, but it's just going to have to wait until I get home. I should leave now though.

I'll write more Saturday night, since I can't wrote during Shabbat. Bye!

Your Friend,

Cochava Pearlman

Okay, scratch that. I just tried to get up but got really dizzy. I fell back into my seat, luckily nobody noticed. Maybe I'm just dehydrated. I accidentally threw away my drink with my lunch and I forgot to drink anything at home. Maybe I'll ask for a seltzer or something. After I finish that I'll leave.

This is me, signing out. So, TTYL.

Your Friend,

Cochava Pearlman


End file.
